Unimpressive Duke-Bag

One way to be very unimpressive and seem slightly racist and sexist at the same time is to come up to the bar and say (not being sarcastic I might add) “Wow, you’re not even close to as hot as the Asian chick with the hot ass that was working earlier!” Yes asshole, thanks for not thinking I have a hot ass, and judging by the wedding ring on your finger, your wife wouldn’t be too stoked on your statement either. As I was making his drink, one of my customers sitting next to him pointed out that he was in a locals bar and might want to be a little more discerning about how he spoke about the people that worked there and be a little more respectful. When I came back with his drink he was apologizing all over the place. I told him we were fine and to enjoy his drink, he’s not the only douche bag I’ve ever served after all. The straw that broke the camel’s back though was when he was asking people if they had anything that would help “wake him up”. That’s when I knew he was done for the night. Sorry pal, now you’re pissing everyone off, go away, preferably back to North Carolina.

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.

Happy Mother's Day Mother Fu**ers!

This day is a special day, so instead of telling you all about the guy that sprayed crap all over the men’s bathroom toilet (yes, literally all over the toilet) the tweaker chick that I chewed out for being an irrational psycho (imagine that!) or the three people that destroyed the two bathrooms in the bar with vomit, I thought I’d send out a positive message to everyone today. Thanks to all the moms that didn’t do all that bad stuff I told you about from last night! Seriously though, Happy Mother’s Day to all of you awesome women out there that gave all of us a place on this earth, so that we can be the pain in your ass and the twinkle in your eye, all within the same breath. We love you mom!

Comments

Thanksamundo for the post.Really thank you! Awesome. akdeccecddfd

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.

Sex And Pizza

If anyone has seen the Saturday Night Live “Bill Brasky” sketch from years ago when that show was good, then you have some idea about the group of old guys that came in last night. Loud and obnoxious is fairly normal for a Friday night, but these guys were the “I’m loud because I’m important! Pay attention to me!!” kind of people that just annoy the crap out of anyone within earshot. Finally, the loudest guy chimes in with “There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob! It’s like pizza! When it’s bad it’s still good, and when it’s good it’s great!” Well sir, it’s not always good, sometimes it’s messy, too sloppy, takes too long and just seems like they don’t really care if it’s done properly. It’s hard to find a good pizza place!

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.

It's Punk And Fun Time!

So, this girl walks up to me last night in the middle of a punk show and says “Do you have a towel? There’s a spill over there!” So I toss her a towel and she looks at me like I’m an idiot and says “Someone dropped a beer on the floor! That’s not going to help!” So I looked at her and say “If you think anything short of stopping the band, mopping the floor, cleaning everyone’s shoes and waiting for everything to dry will work on cleaning this mess, by all means, have at it!” This is also the same person that came up to me later and said “Are you aware that there is a bloody t-shirt in the women’s bathroom?” To which I stated “Since I don’t go into the women’s bathroom, no I don’t, but thanks for letting me know though. We’ll get it taken care of.” Just a little advice for this young lady and others out there, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the help, but you are at a punk show, have fun, that’s what punk shows are for.

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.

Creeping Death

“Everyone Poops” is a popular book to help potty train toddlers when it’s time to kick off the diaper and start wearing big kid underwear. I guess after last night I need to write a book called “Everyone Poops, Just Don’t Poop There Dumbass!” Yes, at first I thought it was just someone crop dusting the bar, being inconsiderate of the rest of us and farting up a storm. Then it got stronger, much stronger and the smell consumed the whole room. That’s when I knew, I had to investigate the bathroom. When I opened the door it was an overpowering stench that was almost mind numbing and as I looked around on the floor I saw bile from someone’s puke covering the whole area. Being curious, or stupid, I ventured into the bathroom stall and found the source of the gut wrenching smell. Yes folks, a puddle of shit, and right in front of the toilet no less. Apparently our mess maker suffered from a malady that shot liquid death out both ends at the same time and chose improperly on which end to put on the toilet. Everyone knows you don’t put your face where your ass goes when pulling off a double threat ejection, the shit goes in the hole and you clean up the puke or, if you have the time, you grab a receptacle to puke in while taking care of number two. At any rate, it was no picnic, but I got it cleaned up. I just couldn’t wash enough to get that smell out of my head, but the bathroom was useable in the end. The way it smelled in there, I’m just glad there wasn’t a dead body covered in all that mess.

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.

Pages