Nice Bandana

Working, working, working having fun, fun, fun and then enter the long haired pretentious twit with a bandana on. Just because I ran your credit card, after not having been given any special instruction to clear your tab otherwise, this does not give you the right to declare that you think that you could be a better bartender. Also, when you are about five foot nothing, you should really be careful of what comes out of your mouth. Luckily I am a patient person, but someday you might run into someone that will want to put a foot up your pseudo-intellectual ass for being such a pompous fop. This, however, would not be me as I know that in most cases like this ignorance and arrogance on the other person’s part can cloud their judgment on making a competent decision when they think the person they are dealing with is beneath them. My response to his comment, I believe, was “Well I guess you’re entitled to your opinion.” Instead of “Go fuck yourself.”

Comments

I was well on my way to being fished into this one. Ooo, I was so hoping it was about guys who wear bandanas. Alas, I did not get my chance to remind you that I have a photo of you in a bandanna from back in the '90s. Another time my friend.

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Hur Dee Dur

Nothing starts my work day off like having two derelict morons sitting at the bar acting like total buffoons. The first thing that happened when I walk behind the bar was this little bummy guy says “Hey Brother, show me your tattoo.” So I pull up my shirt sleeve and he says “Oh, there ain’t no Jesus shit on there, those ain’t worth shit!” I had to hold back from making a comment that would be too harsh and I’m not exactly sure what “Jesus shit” is but I’m sure he didn’t appreciate his name being thrown around like that. As it was, a smart response would have been wasted on this dimwit and probably would have started a bit of an unnecessary confrontation. That is not how I like to start my day so I simply said “Hey, to each his own.” and moved on. I then went over to the other bartender and told her to make sure Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb were uninvited to the party before she left, which she took care of in short order. There’s nothing like an ignorant wretch to get you going at the start of your day, adrenaline works faster than caffeine every time.

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Quit Whining Like A Baby And Go Home

Closing time is closing time. No matter how many times you beg for a beer you will get nothing except for a pissed off bartender who, by the way, is sober and will remember you the next time you come in. This tactic of asking for something so many times that you become annoying to the point that the other person finally relents to your request may have worked on your parents but I am not one of your parents. Instead of getting what you want, you will get a hardy “Go fuck yourself!” and an invitation to leave. Maybe if your parents had tried a similar approach, albeit maybe not as harsh of a word selection, you wouldn’t be such an insufferable prick as an adult.

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Eggs Over The Rainbow

When looking for food in the wee hours of the night, a slow night at that, one should take into consideration that special orders are not going to be satisfied by the cook that has most of the kitchen closed down for the night. This is how the conversation went with the little fellow in his fifties that looked like a leprechaun that lost his shillelagh and traded in his green hat and vest for a beanie and a leather biker jacket, after I told him the late night menu was all that was available.
Shamis- I’m going to put in a special order for food.
Me- Nope, not going to happen.
Shamis- I want seven eggs.
Me- Nope, we’re done here.
Shamis- Then give me a beer.
Me- Nope, there is no way I’m giving you a drink, time to go.
Shamis- So, you’re not giving me anything?
Me- Nope, bye now.
Shamis- You’re an asshole!
Me- Nope, have a good night.
Yes, you have to love the persistence of the little guy, (by the way, his name wasn’t Shamis, I have no idea what it was) but in the end it just gets annoying dealing with drunk non-believers. Jump on a rainbow and go to an all night diner and be rude to them, I didn’t get you drunk, go be someone else’s problem ya wee little prick ya!

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Killer Faux Pas

Now, I’m no fashion expert by any stretch of the imagination but I saw something that totally cracked me up last night. Picture, if you will a young man in his early twenties, a little stocky, wearing blue jeans, basketball kicks and a flat billed hat. All normal stuff, that is until you throw in the gold chain, pullover hoodie with the sleeves pulled up to the elbows and the fingerless wool gloves with the “diamond” bling watch worn on the outside of the wool gloves, he almost had it, then blew it. Admittedly, I do own a pair of those gloves, they’re great for driving at night when it’s cold outside. The thing that makes this work for me is that it’s after dark when nobody can see me wearing fingerless wool gloves. I do not wear them out to pick up chicks, my wife would kill me for looking that dumb in public, her friends might see me, and then she would die laughing that I was out trying to pick up chicks. I have to think of the children you know. One fashion faux pas like that and they could be parentless. I just couldn’t stand the thought of them being that happy.

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