Drunk Thought Processes

It can be quite funny dealing with drunk people sometimes, to think about their thought process and how they justify to themselves why they are right and how everyone else can be so wrong. Take for example the girl tonight that could barely hold herself up on the bars at the cocktail station and had developed an acute case of Voice Modulation Syndrome and couldn’t control how loud she was speaking. I tried to quietly let her friends know that I would not be able to serve her and to make sure she didn’t get her hands on a drink. But of course she had to find out and make a big drama scene about how I never even talked to her and she didn’t even get to order a drink and try to over exaggerate the whole ordeal, saying how horrible I am and blah blah blah. Then her friend walks up with a beer he had smuggled in from somewhere else and that made the decision a lot easier just to get rid of the bunch of them. Sometimes people need to realize when you’re wrong, you’re wrong and just live with it. Besides, where are you going to get yourself arguing with a bartender? I would have to say if it’s this time of year, cold, that’s where.

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Moochers

Out of all of the customers that come into the bar there is a certain breed of people that look normal at first, and then slowly show their true self. I like to call them The Mooch. They come in all shapes and sizes, so they’re not always easy to spot, but they are a nuisance and eventually you will need to extricate them from your bar or they just piss off the paying customers. There is the obvious bum mooch, smelly and ask everyone for money. Then you have the broke girl mooch, she gets all dressed up and hopes to get some lonely guy to pay for her drinks all night and disappears on him when someone that seems like they have more money comes along. And last but certainly not the least is the sad sack mooch. This guy is always working an angle and seems like a hard working type that just can’t get a break. They never ask for money outright but they’re always up for a free drink with a myriad of different stories to bilk the unsuspecting patron out of their hard earned cash. This guy pisses me off the worst because once I single them out, if I don’t play my cards right, I end up looking like the bad guy. Fortunately for me, I know most of these guys around town and they know when the axe is coming down and take off before I get the chance to give them the boot. Sneaky little rascals, when will they learn I don’t mind being the bad guy?

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I think my drunk broke ass used to pull that shit. I did always buy drinks when I had dough though! :)

I specifically remember a time when I opened the bar and made some good morning toast. I set it, hot and jellied, on the bar and a gentleman walks in and orders a drink. It happens to be something I need refilled and I run to the back of the bar to grab it. By the time I get back, 60 seconds, maybe, my toast was gone. Needless to say, I kicked him out and made more toast. Made me laugh, though.

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Proof That The Sun Can Shine on a Dog's.....

So these two women came in last night and ordered a couple of drinks and shots, nothing out of the ordinary, but there was something about them I couldn’t quite put my finger on. So I struck up a little conversation with them to see what their deal was, they were friends and one of them was visiting from out of town and they were just looking for a bit of fun on a Thursday night. Fair enough, they took their drinks and moved off to the video poker to try their luck. Later on I look down at the end of the bar and notice they are talking to one of my regulars, now this guy is no ladies man so the fact that they are all chatting each other up peaks my interest so I go investigate. Not only is he talking to them but the one gal is actually acting interested and engaging in a real conversation. That’s when I figured out what was off about these two, they were either crazy or secret government operatives sent to abduct this poor guy, these are the only logical reasons I could think of. Either way, if he doesn’t show up in the next couple of days I am going to pretend that I never met him. “Who did you say? Never heard of the guy.”

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Buck, these are great. Cannot wait for the book!

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Handlebar Romancer

What a good crowd we had last night. No really, almost everyone was great and for some reason a lot of people were buying drinks for each other and being happy and generous. There was of course one old guy trying unsuccessfully to impress these two girls at the bar by showing them how loud and creepy he could be. Apparently the ladies used to be a bit easier to woo back in the day. Oh yeah, maybe it would be easier to pick up on girls if you had a license and a car instead of no license and a bike. For some reason riding home on your handle bars kind of kills the mood.

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Archive: Mega Trash

For some reason, two times this week I have been referred to as "Dawg", last night's was particularly amusing. This poor girl should have beat down who ever said it was ok to go out in your jog-bra and tights (which were living up to their name and looking a bit on the stressed side to boot) belly hanging down to the crotch, with her braided-ponytailed muscle shirt wearing Neanderthal in tow. I am having a hard time putting into words what I was subjected to, and I have come up with Mega-Trash. Its like white trash on steroids, fueled by meth, vodka and cheese sticks. Without incident, they drank, ate and tipped in a whirlwind of f-bombs and all in a matter of about 15 minutes were gone. Kind of one of those, did that just happen? Yes, it surely did.

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