No More Mister Nice Guy?

For all the stupid crap that happened at work, like the return of one of the C.O.D.s, the dumb ass that we had to throw out of the bar, or the huge group of skater punks all having a cheer with Jell-o shots, what really struck me was one unassuming looking young man. I really like it when I get surprised in a good way, like last night. I was pretty busy and cruising along like most Fridays go, and a small group comes in and squats at the bar for a cocktail. I get them their drinks and one of the guys is kind of looking at me funny and says “hey man, can I ask you a question?” I say “Sure man, what’s up?” Of course I am expecting something typical like where have you worked before, has anybody told you that you look like… or can you make a…. Something along those lines. He Says “I was in here about a week ago and I think I walked out on two drinks, I felt bad and was wondering if I could settle them up.” I just kind of stood there for a second, a little shocked that someone out there still has a conscience and said “Sure man, thank you!” I don’t remember serving him anything, the tab could have been with someone else for all I know, but I accepted his payment and assured him that nobody was laying in wait for his return to waylay him or anything like that, served him another drink and thanked him again for being so honest. It’s nice to see someone with good karma coming to them for a change.

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Woah! I don't believe you. You totally made this up...lol! This doesn't happen in "drinky land!" But for the one time it may have occurred I am glad it happened to you fellow bartender. :-)

I've walked out w/o paying not once, not twice, but three times (all at the same Mexican restaurant in SF, and after about a pitcher+ of strong margaritas). I always felt like an idiot walking in the next day, but the bartenders were always cool about the situation—they probably expect it from me now....

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Things That Go Bump In The Night

It was a quiet and foggy night, the eerie kind of quiet that makes you feel uneasy, like something wicked is just about to happen, then the door flies open and THERE IT IS! Fifteen grown adults dressed in Hawaiian clothes, loud, drunk and looking for food at one in the morning! They came staggering in like a bunch of fifteen year olds that had gone to a pizza party and got into the old man’s hooch. Nothing like a theme birthday party for a grownup with no imagination. They ate, got more obnoxious, which I thought was impossible, made a huge mess and departed, after I told them I was done serving. One guy even tried to bribe me ten bucks for a bud light which, by the way, would have over doubled my tip. Not wanting to endure any more of the drunken babbling, I graciously declined. Remember everyone, there are things that go bump in the night on those mist shrouded nights, lucky for me it was just a bunch of ridiculously dressed drunks bumping into each other.

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C.O.D. Accepted, But Not Encouraged

Yes it was quite the night last night, I got to get a few things off my chest with a few pains in the ass that had been troubling me, thus giving myself a bit of relief. Yeah! Go me! But then I digress from the true focus of the evening, which would be the large number of C.O.D.s that I had show up throughout the course of the night. By C.O.D. I do not mean Collect Upon Delivery, no these were Creepy Old Dudes. They came in a variety of sizes and shapes and hit on anything that would give them any attention and in a couple of instances no attention at all. The funny thing was that they were starting to rub off on a few of the younger guys too, I think maybe they were starting to recruit some fresh blood for when some of the older ranks drop off, it is the nature of C.O.D.s to pass on sooner than later, hence the “Old” part of the title. Yes, it was truly a spectacle of grade a buffoonery, people watching at its finest. By the end of it all they had all gone home alone, thank God, probably to some low grade porn and cheap beer, so until next time fellows, I bid you adieu.

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Poking Out The Mind's Eye

In life, sometimes the horrible nature of a situation doesn’t actually set in right away. Yes there are people drinking around me at all times while I am at work so I am fairly impervious to being surprised or shocked about anything, last night was definitely an exception that will not be soon forgotten. It was a slow Saturday night so I had time to talk to my regulars and enjoy some catch up time with everyone. As I walked down toward the kitchen I was in a good mood, having just finished a conversation with someone I had not seen for a while and then, WHAM! There she was, a woman I had loathed to see. I have 86’d this person from at least two bars and was going to at a third but never got the chance to. She likes to fight, throw things and, is in general, a bartender’s nightmare. So there I was, with the knowledge that this situation would not end well and trying to think of a solution that would not require either the cops or physical extraction. That’s when it happened, she stood up to confront my bouncer and…… All that I can say is that it was like slow motion kicked in. Her pants fell completely to the floor, and what I had hoped were thin oddly colored panties, were not in fact panties at all but her bare naked ass exposed for the whole world to see. I can believe that anyone looking at me at the time saw nothing but shock and horror come across my face as I realized what had just happened, but like a good train wreck I could not force myself to look away. As she tried to wrestle her jeans back on it just got worse, flesh was just getting jerked around like it was refusing to be trapped by the denim dungeon that it had just escaped. After finally getting things back into their proper vestments, she had calmed down enough to get a cab and be on her way. But the damage had been done, not just to me but numerous patrons that had the unfortunate opportunity to see the horrible event. Sometimes it would be nice if you could shake your head like an Etch-A-Sketch and erase what you just saw, unfortunately we cannot.

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Vaginious!!!

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Adults Say the Darndest Things!

Being in my position, I am privy to all kinds of conversations, good, bad or just plain gross and most people either don’t think about the fact that they are in a public place and can be overheard quite easily or they just don’t care who knows what they are talking about. Take for example the thirty-something year old guy trying to pick up on the sixty-something year old by trying to impress her with the size of his wallet and trying to get her to go back to his hotel room, or the two girls talking about their feminine hygiene problems. Both examples are things I didn’t need to know, but will be forever bored into the deep recesses of my brain. After overhearing one of these conversations, I was kind of shaking my head with a sour look on my face when one of the guys sitting at the bar, minding his own business, notices my dismay and says “What’s up man?” So I simply say “I can’t believe some of the shit that comes out of peoples mouths!” He just nods a little and says “Yeah, a lot of people should be wearing a mouth diaper.” Then I laughed a little and went about the rest of my shift with a little extra smile on my face when I heard stupid conversations, just thinking about that person with a little diaper over their mouth to keep from getting anything on anyone else. In my head I could hear the commercial in that cheesy announcer voice “New! From Depends, it’s the Mouth Diaper!” I don’t know, just the mental image cracked me up.

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