Split Dipshit Personality

So, three bad customers came in last night, all rolled up into the nice neat package of one person. Yes, this one guy encompassed three of my least favorite kind of customers, the best friend guy, the moocher and the “Claven” guy. I had not seen this person in a while and, to be honest with you, hadn’t noticed and was glad about it until he walked through the door and my little voice inside my head yelled “Oh shit! Not this guy! Hopefully he’s too drunk to remember where I work!” He walks up to the counter with the “Hey Man! How have you been! It’s been a long time! I’ve been growing out my hair and blah, blah, blah…….” That’s about the time Charlie Brown’s parent’s voice starts kicking in. Before I go on, a little background. This guy is one of those people that I have to cut off almost every time they come in, I have had to have him removed from several bars and is, in general, a pain in the ass. So, luckily he gets distracted easily and into a conversation with someone else quickly. The bar was slow, so I got to catch more of the conversation than I cared to, and noticed the Claven and the mooch coming out. After the unsuspecting rube bought him a drink, this guy knew everything about everything and had no problem talking loudly about it, even the stuff he knew absolutely nothing about, and was just spewing crap out of his word hole. If someone was that smart for real about that many things, then why is he hanging out in a dive bar mooching drinks instead of out making tons of cash and being as important as he says he is? Oh yeah, because he’s a dumbass.

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Is his name Matt Lansing? Lol

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Archive: Flying Under The Radar

Out of all the great people I got to see, including close friends and my wife, I have to say there was one standout that took the cake tonight. Everything went without incident, even though it got good and busy for a while, just winding down and then, oh, what’s that? Someone is passed out in the back room? With her luggage? Damn it! I guess my dirt-bag radar kicked in a little too late! If there's one thing I can't stand (and yes, I know there's more than one thing) it's someone getting wasted somewhere else and deciding to make it my problem. Please, next time smelly weirdo, pass out where you got the drinks, but thanks for not throwing up.

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Powder Day, And I Don't Mean Snow

Bubba: Knock Knock
Me: Who’s there?
Bubba: The Interrupting Cow.
Me: The Interrupting Co……
Bubba: MOOOOOO!

Yes indeed, that is what it felt like last night trying to hold a conversation with one of my customers. I would get in two or three words and then, MOOOO! Not literally of course, but it was about that annoying, I finally left to let them talk to their favorite person in the bar, themselves. Why people think that you can’t tell when they’re high as a kite on some sort of powder is beyond me. Find some friends, get a hobby, get a dog, anything would be better than getting all blasted and thinking that going bar hopping, annoying everyone you meet and alienating yourself from even the losers at the bar is a good idea. Oh yeah, I guess that makes you the loser. In a completely unrelated story, my Death Clock has ticked down and I am still alive. I guess it’s a sad day when people can’t follow through with their promises or threats or whatever that was last week. I guess I will have to clean the garage after all.

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I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me....

Well what do you know, I think our door guy has a stalker. Now I say stalker because if she wasn’t so repulsive to look at, listen to and in general someone nobody wanted to deal with, he and the rest of us might have welcomed her company. She came there just to see him, sat around for about three hours and tried to monopolize his time as much as possible, and when she wasn’t bugging him she was annoying us at the bar. We cut her off, he tried to tell her he was working and to please let him do his job, but to no avail, she hung around like a bad fart in a hot room. Finally the end of the night came around and she was still bugging him, I overheard something about a hotel room and he was looking uneasy, luckily he had just gotten off work and she went to the bathroom and he ran out of there so fast all you saw was a blur, out to the car and gone! She came out of the bathroom, looked confused, I told her to have a good night and she just kind of bumbled her way out the front door. I quickly got the door locked, and none too soon, as she was trying to come back in the door, then she turned around and finally left for good. I guess we can check crazy stalker chick off the list of things to see in the early hours of the morning. I’m sure it won’t be the last.

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See You Next Tuesday!

Last night was cruising along at a nice pace when I noticed our door guy talking to a girl at the end of the bar, having what seemed to be some sort of an issue, judging by the body language. My utility guy (bar back, backup cook and backup bartender) came down and told me there was some sort of issue with the girls I.D. and I should come and clear things up. So I went over to find out what the issue was, well, she didn’t have an I.D. She said she lost it snowmobiling earlier and that’s why she didn’t have it. Just to clear up a few things, she had her wallet with her, she was young looking and she had no picture I.D. on her. She tried showing me her credit cards, some sort of certification from school AND her O.L.C.C. card to prove that she was old enough, but still no picture I.D. I told her that I was very sorry but you don’t have a valid I.D. that is acceptable. She had been acting irritated that we just didn’t say “Oh, I’m so sorry you lost your driver’s license, here, have a drink on the house.” Then she really got snippy and bitchy, and I pointed out that if she was indeed a server that she should understand the situation that she was putting me in and if it was her license she would, or should, do the same and refuse to serve the person. Then she said “Well, if you’re not going to serve me is it ok if I sit with my friends?” That’s when I got visibly irritated, and said “Seriously? This is a bar and you have no I.D.! What do you think? Sorry, but you have to leave now, thank you.” Her boyfriend, noticing what was going on comes up and says “Sorry, I thought this might be a problem, have a good night guys.” At least he got it and was nice about it. As she is cramming her crap back in her purse she says “Well! I don’t think I’m ever coming back here again!” and I just said “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m not the one that lost your license.” So to you, young lady with no I.D. please go get your new license on Monday so you can come in for Lady’s Night on Tuesday. Hope to see you next Tuesday! Wink!

Comments

I wish we owened a bar together with a handful of other awesome people. When we worked together I always laughed at some of the situations we ended up in. Anyways Buck your rad and you know it so clap your hands! Miss ya and some of the Bend drama.

Hi, i think that i saw you visited my blog thus i came to “return the favor”.
I'm trying to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

Laser Safety Glasses

Miss you too Buddy!

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