Oooooo, That Smell!

I don’t want to sound like a snob or anything, but I always thought it was good manners to be presentable in public. By that I mean, all my parts are covered, nothing hanging from any visible orifices and I did not carry an offensive smell about me, with the exception of the occasional fart of course. Unfortunately, not everyone follows these standards when they expose themselves to others like the group that came in last night. If you smell like dog shit and stale cigarettes, you might want to rethink any kind of plans on leaving the house, like take a shower and NOT smell like dog shit and stale cigarettes! If, by chance, a friend ever lets you leave the house smelling anything remotely like this, punch them in the face and call them an asshole, unless you intended to do this on purpose, then they should do the same, but to you. Now since it was a group, there was no way of singling out the culprit in this attack of the olfactory senses, but by looking at them, there were several possibilities. I even had my coworker go over and see if she could figure it out, but alas, the mystery still lingers, much like the haze of canine excrement and cigarettes smoked long ago, still hanging in the bar.

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Thar She Blows!

Ok, women’s undergarments can be awesome, but when you're sitting in a chair, and your "Whale Tail" or "Thong-gone-wrong" (in this case very wrong) is showing off the fact that I can't tell whether it's the butt or back-fat hanging out of the sides, you’ve got to cover that up, it's just nasty.....

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They Keep Getting Older, But I just Stay The Same

Crickets, interesting little creatures that stir up all kinds of feelings and memories of summer nights and camping trips, or in my case last night, a reminder of how slow it was at work. But, as it turned out, was a blessing in disguise, as one of my co-workers had to leave work early, leaving me with an inexperienced person to change shifts with. It took a little longer than usual, but once everything was done WHAM! We became birthday party central. Not one, not two but three birthday parties all at once! Shots, beers, drinks and food were flying all over the place and everyone had a good time, including a group of people that I hardly ever get to see anymore that I used to get to party with all the time, but life gets in the way sometimes when you grow up and it was good to see everyone out having fun. There were a few mishaps, but all in all a good night. In an unrelated incident though, just remember people, when you do a bunch of magic mushrooms and are tripping balls, don’t go to the bar thinking it’s going to be a lot of fun, you might have a bad trip if you make a lot of people mad and they all want to kick your ass.

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Friday Night Fights, Almost

Last night, I think may have been an un-official full moon, either that or somebody gave out a whole lot of ecstasy. Yes, people were acting VERY strange and erratic, from the guy that had a smiley face shaved into the side of his head to the chick with pink hair that almost got her ass beat, but at least that was actually kind of funny. Pink wig wearing chick with too big of boobs and too little of dress came in trying to look way too skank-a-luscious, and in doing so, takes a fall. Well, to no big surprise, everyone at the bar starts laughing, including a group of girls. Pinky tries to say the floor was wet and slippery, which it certainly was not, so the other girls call her out on her bullshit and she gets pissed off and lunges after them. Lucky for her, my Jersey connection steps in between just in time to avoid a hair pulling, nail scratching fiasco. Her man, noticing a good window to exit, whisked her out of there before a nasty cat fight erupted (Damn!) The nonsense continued on for the rest of the evening, but we escaped without any serious damage and made the best of a funky evening. A beer, some whiskey and a good blow to the head and it will be like none of this ever happened. Ignorance is bliss.

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Little Dog, Little Bone

I didn’t even get to park my car last night before I knew it was going to be a fun night at the old watering hole. As I was backing into my parking space, I looked into my rear view mirror and there were two dudes dry humping and feeling up this chick they had sandwiched between them as she was grabbing handfuls of junk herself. I was just thinking “What is the deal with this alley? Does it possess some magical aphrodisiac like powers?” I got out of my car and just looked at them and continued trying to walk inside. They were obviously trying to put on a show and as I walked by one of the guys says “Yeah! You like that huh?” I just gave him the raised eyebrow as if to say “Seriously dipshit?” and go inside to inform my co-worker as to what was going on outside and if they came in to deny service due to over abundance of alcohol and under abundance of couth. Due to a number of my customers getting hassled by these dry-humping hooligans, I went outside and told them to move on, they were not going to be served and were not welcome to hang out and bother people as they came inside. My wording may have been a bit on the more harsh side, but I bet you can use your imagination to come up with what I was putting down. Anyway, they finally leave, but before they do, one of the little tough guys opens up the door and yells “Fuck You!” and takes off. Now, I was at the bar serving drinks at the time and didn’t even hear it, but was informed about the parting words after the fact. It’s like the little lap dog barking at you through the fence when they know it’s safe, until you walk up to the fence and they run away barking, barking but still running.

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