Archive: Thanks!

I would like to thank all of the people that make my job fun, like my crazy co-workers, whom without I could not do my job, my friends/regulars, who may not be so regular but remind me constantly why I like to go to work, and all the good people that I get to deal with daily. The idiots I appreciate too, more of in a "Don't be this guy" way though, also for the sweet stories......BTW if you just got out of prison, you shouldn't go hang out in the bar your first night out, trying to sell weed to the bartender. I'm pretty sure your P.O. wouldn't be too stoked......

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Awkward Moments

On a slow Sunday night when things are creeping towards the end of the evening and a long work week to boot, there are a few things that can be potentially disturbing, unfortunately I got to hear one of those things. I was just getting ready to close up and only had a few customers left to settle up and get out the door before the weekend, one table of which had eaten some breakfast for dinner that looked and smelled particularly tasty. So the woman, being of some substance, with large bosoms and not wearing a bra was walking by while we were putting up chairs and as she passed by I asked “How was the food?” She simply responded “Great! I think I squirted a little!” and just kept on walking. As we stood there frozen, not quite sure if we had heard correctly, I finally broke the silence and said “Squirted?” My co-worker just shivered a bit and said “Please don’t say that again.” Some things are better left unknown, and after that comment I think my cook may have developed a facial tic, but I am praying for a full recovery.

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I Got My Mind On My Money and My Money On My Mind

Budgeting things in life is important sometimes, if for nothing else, to make sure you have the resources to get things done, other than what you are doing right now that is. Time and money management are probably two of the more important issues most of us deal with on a regular basis, but when a bar gets thrown into the mix, for some people anyway, all bets are off. “Once it hits your lips…” is a quote I remember from a movie that quite accurately describes the moment when some people’s judgment skills go out the window, especially in reference to the two topics mentioned above. There were a couple of instances just last night where people could not believe the size of their bill, even though they had drank all the drinks and ate all the food but could not grasp how they could have possibly run up a total that high. So then I have to take the time to walk them through the process step by step, recreating their evening for them, and while doing so neglecting other customers that are waiting for service. Then the topper is when they asked what time it was and the typical response is “Oh my God! I have to be to work in four hours!” Yes, and I’m sure you will be a productive part of the work force. Budgeting, no, most of us don’t like it and fewer still are good at it but…. Oh Shit! Look at the time! Damn daylight savings, I better get some sleep.

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Hey Guys! Check These Babys Out!

It was another night of chaos and stupidity down at the old watering hole last night. There was the drunk bum, who I suspect was lurking around the bar and chugging down the leftovers from other people and acting like a crazy man. Then there was the girl that was showing off her cleavage, almost to the point of the nipple, but I don’t think anyone told her that it’s not hot if your belly sticks out farther than your boobs, no matter how big they are. The drunk guy chewing on his hand was also entertaining, but a little bit on the sad side though. No the clear winner of freak, or freaks of the night was the old swinger couple at the bar trying to pick up the young guys. Now, I’m not saying that old swingers are freaks, ok, maybe a little, but when you’re pushing sixty and showing off your wife’s sixty year old tits to try and lure young guys back to your house to give her a whirl, and she’s doing the same, that does qualify you as freaks. You got to love it when the senior citizens class up the joint.

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U.G.L.Y. You Ain't Got No Alibi!

When people look down on others because of their position, what they look like or any other reason for that matter, and make it very obvious that they think that they are better than everyone else it kind of irritates me. By irritates, I mean it pisses me off, especially when it is a twenty one year old, non-tipping housekeeper. If you think you are better than everyone else at the bar, then go somewhere else more suited to your personality, like, oh I don’t know, a laundry mat? Maybe a bus stop, or is there a bitch store? Yes, that would probably be a good place for this fine specimen to hang out. As for me I like where I work because it is filled with all different kinds of people from all walks of life. I get to enjoy insights from column A to column Z, and to me that is what it’s all about. Miss negative Nancy can go somewhere else and it will not hurt my feelings one little bit. Just because you’re pretty on the outside, it does not mean you’re not ugly on the inside.

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I believe there is a place for such people: L.A.

Maybe I can take her on a special date to Warm Springs. Got the duct tape and limestone all ready.

I will be going off the grid after that comment.

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