The Trough

Yes, we have a piss trough in the Men’s bathroom at work and it is spectacular! Complete with a rainforest style flush system, it really is a sight to behold. Some people are big fans of the trough, while others aren’t quite sure about sharing their bladder relief time with others in such a close proximity with their parts on display. Well, to those people I say, lighten up man, nobody is trying to sneak a peek at your stuff, get over yourself, we’re all just trying to get a little relief. I’ve seen many things in the trough, ranging from vomit to clothing and everything in between, this has never been a surprise to me, after all, it is in a bar bathroom. I did, however, hear something in there the other night that cracked me up. There was a kid in there taking a piss, talking to the other guy doing the same and he says “Man, it’s kind of weird peeing in the cow feeder!” Seriously? A cow feeder? Its a trough!! Kids these days! At least his friend corrected him.

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For the sake of gender equality is there said trough offered to the ladies? I can see the advantage of cleanup of the extra bodily functions included in a bar setting and was just curious? Cheers Aa

If there were any room to put on in thereI would suggest it!

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Survival Tip Of The Day

Friday Night Survival Tip: If you have just met someone at the bar and have felt the need to apologize for their bad behavior, especially after they have referred to people within earshot as “bitches” run! Get away from them and don’t look back, otherwise the bartender may take some delight at the look on your face as you try to de-escalate the situation that has been thrust upon you. Chances are that this person may be certifiably crazy, if you think this may be the case you might want to ask them about any cool scars they might have. If the term “stab wound” comes up in the conversation you may want to have some sort of excuse to get away immediately, like a family emergency or lighting yourself on fire. At any rate, people like this are not worth your time unless you are indeed looking to get noticed on such places as the inmate list at your local jail. Trust me, those photos are not very flattering.

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I Would Like to Apologize in Advance For.....

Sometimes you see something that makes you go “Yeah, that’s a good idea!” at least in your head it’s a good idea, then you go on your way and forget about it because of a phone call, beer, or near death experience got in the way. Well, when I got to work today, there on the cash register was a card that read “Tom Zeppo Boyle, Formerly of Memphis, TN now Bend, OR would like to apologize for his behavior on _______” Then it hit me, I used to joke with people about having cards similar to this made up to hand to the bartender and other innocent bystanders when we came into the bar. Believe me, back in the day, these things would have come in handy, at least so the people working in the bar would know when to kick us to the curb, saving themselves the trauma of the memories that we might have inflicted upon them. The more that I think about it though, half of the fun of being a complete dumbass was wondering who I needed to apologize to, kind of like a murder mystery but instead of a dead body, all we had to worry about was dead brain cells.

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Lock Your Car Doors

Let me start off by saying, lock your car doors. My night was pretty uneventful for the most part, of course there were the usual suspects lurking around, the tweakers, drunks and people genuinely out for a good time, but for the most part it went off without a hitch. By the way, for those of you who can’t tell when the tweakers are around, the tell tale signs are, their drinks are full but have no ice left in them, the candy in the candy trays are all gone and the wrappers are all over the floor. But I digress. The most interesting part of the evening came when I was walking out to my car. One of my friends who works a couple doors down was out in the alley when I was leaving and seemed a bit befuddled. He walked up and said “Hey guys! So, what do you do when somebody you don’t know is passed out in your car?” Well, this is something out of the realm of anything I have had to deal with, so, mustering up all of my mental faculties after having just got off work, I said “What?” He said “Yeah, some guy in a bow tie is passed out in my car!” I advised that he call the local police in case the gentleman (bow tie) woke up in a foul mood and wanted to get a bit feisty. So, the moral of the story is, lock your car doors. As far as I know, locking your car doors does not make you a Democrat, Republican, a Christian, Muslim, an illegal immigrant, a conservative, a liberal or a dog hating gun toting knife wielding pervert. It does however make good sense, and apparently keeps drunk people from passing out in your car.

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King Douche

Okay, so last night I had a great night at work. It was mostly locals in the bar and it was nice to get to catch up with some people that I hadn’t gotten to have a real conversation with lately. These are my favorite kind of nights for sure. However there always has to be a turd in the punch bowl on even the best of shifts, last night was no exception. There were two guys that came in and of course, one of them was the babysitter and the other was the spoiled rotten little baby. The baby had to hit on every girl in the bar, try to by some friends with drinks and even resorted to putting on his sunglasses to try to look cool, which is hard to do in a cheesy red and pink polo, short khaki shorts and running shoes that looked like they have never seen a workout. After Mr. Douche finally left because I wouldn’t serve his staggering slurring ass, someone came up to the bar with a pair of sunglasses. They said “Hey, that drunk guy in pink left these outside.” I thanked them for not breaking them, or stealing them and went to put them on the back bar in case he came back, when I noticed something that I found amusing. They were Prada sunglasses, solidifying the complete belief that the guy, was indeed, douche bag royalty, if not their king.

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