There Are No Stupid Questions, Only Stupid People

Part of my job as a bartender is to try to give people what they want, like most service industry jobs, that is how you get repeat customers. Most of the time that is not a difficult task, you fill the glass up with the preferred adult beverage and voila! Now, there are those situations where someone isn’t sure about what they want so you do your best to steer them in the right direction by asking a few questions about their preferences. Then there are those people that think they know what they want but don’t actually have a clue because they have no idea about what they are talking about, kind of like trying to order a hamburger at a place that only sells cupcakes, much like the guy last night. He comes up to me and says “You know, I want a cocktail, but I don’t want it to be strong.” I proceed to tell him that our cocktails are poured pretty stiff as a general rule but I could accommodate his request. Then I asked him what he would like me to make him and he says “I think I’ll have a Manhattan.” Now, I took a second to gather the proper words, because I think a small part of my brain that is in charge of restraining the smart-ass comments from blasting this guy off of his barstool just short circuited. So, with as little sarcasm as possible, I asked “You do realize that a Manhattan has nothing but alcohol in it, don’t you?” (My eye may have just twitched a bit while I was asking that) To which he says “Oh yeah, well, it’s been a while since I’ve been out.” Seriously? That’s your best excuse? After having to bite my lip to keep myself from trying to explain why that statement made NO sense at all, I politely gave him a drink suggestion that might be a little more up his alley. Look guys, if you don’t know what you are ordering and are trying to look cool in front of a cute girl, stop, remember that you probably aren’t cool, and play it safe by ordering a beer. Also, you might just save an old bartender’s life by not triggering an aneurism.

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