Not All Who Wander Are Lost, But Their Stuff Might Be

I understand that people go out, maybe have a few too many drinks and occasionally lose something throughout the night like their phone, maybe forget their card at a bar or even maybe lose a jacket. It happens, plain and simple, but with any luck you are able to retrace your steps and eventually recover your lost item without too much effort. Last night, within thirty minutes, I had a couple that lost everything. Not just a misplaced card or phone, oh no, without even moving ten feet they lost a phone, two wallets and a jacket! At least that’s what they kept asking me if I had found. They didn’t even seem drunk! I don’t know what kind of special these people were, but it was increasingly annoying every time they asked where their lost stuff was which was about twenty times in fifteen minutes, no joke. At any rate, I thought I had gotten rid of them by calling them a cab (at their request) but oh no, they didn’t take it, continuing to look for their stuff, not just at my bar but at the neighboring establishments as well and kept popping in to see if we had found anything. They finally gave up looking, found their stuff or died trying because they finally stopped coming in to check and see if we had it. All I have to say is natural selection. Obviously not thinking about the location of your jacket when it is five degrees outside is a clear sign that you are too stupid to survive in the real world. If you’re going to be dumb, you got to be tough!

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