Make It A Double!

“Give me a whiskey and Coke and make it a double!” This is something that I hear every shift at least a handful of times. My usual response is something along the lines of “Actually, we don’t serve doubles but we do pour a stiff drink here, we like to give people what they pay for.” Most people’s reactions are positive when they get their drink and they don’t try to order another double. Last night I did have a guy that came in with a girl and ordered a double for each of them, I informed him that we don’t serve doubles and he got all huffy and said “What’s the deal with that? Why?” I said “Because we already make a stiff drink and a double wouldn’t fit in the glass, do you want a drink or not?” He backed down and said that he would like a drink please. What I wanted to say was “Why do you need a double? Is it a macho thing to impress your date or do you need to get wasted in a hurry so that this young lady will get tired of you acting like a drunken fool and you can go home alone?” Even though I do get a little salty with people sometimes I refrained from being an ass and just got their drinks, which they were happy with. Unless you are a gangster in the prohibition era, a cowboy in the old west or a stock broker on wall street on their lunch break, the double is only good for one thing, getting drunk in a hurry. If that is something you really need to do, go get a bottle of your favorite rot gut from the liquor store and pass out on the couch like the rest of us. Just don’t piss yourself, that is not a fun one to explain to anyone. “Hey, any idea why the couch smells like…..”

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