Leftovers Gone Bad

Unlike the tasty and satisfying leftovers of a glorious Thanksgiving day feast with all of the turkey stew, turkey and cranberry sandwiches and pumpkin pie breakfast for days on end, Halloween leftovers compare more to the questionable gluten-free fish and kale that has sat in the fridge for a week after a weak attempt at eating healthy. Yes, there was plenty of drunk people to cut off because they were wasted and telling them that “It’s nothing personal, you have obviously had some drinks and I want you to get home safely.” When I wanted to say “Fuck off you obnoxious ass, you are making me stabby so go away before something bad happens.” No, not really, but it does get a little old. At any rate, the costumes, much like myself, get a bit tired after the real Halloween and sometimes are just pathetic. Now, there are costumes for every body type, but when you wear a corset that is so tight you can’t lower your arms to your sides without considerable effort it is not sexy. Walking around the bar like the little kid on Christmas Story looking uncomfortable all night cannot be comfortable for you, just as it is not comfortable for others to have to watch. And guys, wearing a pair of shorts from middle school with your plumbs nearly falling out the sides have the same “Ewww!” factor. So to all of you post Halloween costume wearers out there, step up your game or just wait until next year and give it some effort. We will all suffer less, as will your parts that should be covered by a bathing suit.

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