Creeping Death

“Everyone Poops” is a popular book to help potty train toddlers when it’s time to kick off the diaper and start wearing big kid underwear. I guess after last night I need to write a book called “Everyone Poops, Just Don’t Poop There Dumbass!” Yes, at first I thought it was just someone crop dusting the bar, being inconsiderate of the rest of us and farting up a storm. Then it got stronger, much stronger and the smell consumed the whole room. That’s when I knew, I had to investigate the bathroom. When I opened the door it was an overpowering stench that was almost mind numbing and as I looked around on the floor I saw bile from someone’s puke covering the whole area. Being curious, or stupid, I ventured into the bathroom stall and found the source of the gut wrenching smell. Yes folks, a puddle of shit, and right in front of the toilet no less. Apparently our mess maker suffered from a malady that shot liquid death out both ends at the same time and chose improperly on which end to put on the toilet. Everyone knows you don’t put your face where your ass goes when pulling off a double threat ejection, the shit goes in the hole and you clean up the puke or, if you have the time, you grab a receptacle to puke in while taking care of number two. At any rate, it was no picnic, but I got it cleaned up. I just couldn’t wash enough to get that smell out of my head, but the bathroom was useable in the end. The way it smelled in there, I’m just glad there wasn’t a dead body covered in all that mess.

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