June 2017

Festival Faux Pas

Summertime is festival season here in Central Oregon, and with that comes the hordes of tourists that want to see what “small town” life in Oregon is really like. Apparently, life here consists of getting wobbly in the beer garden at “Whateverthedrunk” festival is going on that weekend, then expecting to get served at the local watering hole. Oops! As I was in the midst of getting my proverbial ass kicked last night, four people deep at the bar, I notice a guy half slumped over, sporting the thousand-yard stare.

You Can't Disguise Stupid

Meriam Webster has several definitions for a chameleon, one of which is “One that is subject to quick or frequent change especially in appearance.” Which brings me to last night’s highlight, who was trying to be a chameleon by changing shirts after getting cut off, but only accomplished looking the fool and pissing me off. When you enter a bar and the first thing out of your mouth is “Fuck Idaho! Never go there! Those cops suck!” you will be judged, not for your personal views on Idaho or cops, but because you are acting like a drunk jackass.

First Impressions

When someone walks up to the bar and you can almost smell them from fifty feet away, it is really hard to force yourself to want to engage them in conversation, no matter how nice they are. Then when you do make your way over to talk to them and the first thing they say is “Hey man! I’m a homeless climber living out of my car, what’s cheap?” The response they can expect is “Hi! Can I see your ID?” Then act totally surprised when they give you an expired, temporary paper driver’s license that is in pieces.