March 2017

Oh Tool, Thy Name Art Craftsman!

Ladies, when a guy comes up to you and says something like “What’s your name? I’m not trying to hit on you or anything, I just noticed you sitting here by yourself…..” they are hitting on you. Keep an eye on your drink and don’t leave the door open with your response to encourage further conversation, unless that is what you want. And guys, when you ask what someone’s name is, and your response is “That is the best name ever!

When the Apple Falls

When the apple fell on Newton’s head it inspired him to greatness, the law of gravity will forever be thought of, in its beginnings, as some guy in funny pants getting hit with an apple. Had I seen it with my own two eyes, I would have laughed until I made a wet spot in me nickers. I did, however get to see another kind of apple fall tonight, and it didn’t fall far from the tree, in fact, it may have been leaning against the trunk when all was said and done.

The Trough

Yes, we have a piss trough in the Men’s bathroom at work and it is spectacular! Complete with a rainforest style flush system, it really is a sight to behold. Some people are big fans of the trough, while others aren’t quite sure about sharing their bladder relief time with others in such a close proximity with their parts on display. Well, to those people I say, lighten up man, nobody is trying to sneak a peek at your stuff, get over yourself, we’re all just trying to get a little relief.

Survival Tip Of The Day

Friday Night Survival Tip: If you have just met someone at the bar and have felt the need to apologize for their bad behavior, especially after they have referred to people within earshot as “bitches” run! Get away from them and don’t look back, otherwise the bartender may take some delight at the look on your face as you try to de-escalate the situation that has been thrust upon you. Chances are that this person may be certifiably crazy, if you think this may be the case you might want to ask them about any cool scars they might have.

I Would Like to Apologize in Advance For.....

Sometimes you see something that makes you go “Yeah, that’s a good idea!” at least in your head it’s a good idea, then you go on your way and forget about it because of a phone call, beer, or near death experience got in the way. Well, when I got to work today, there on the cash register was a card that read “Tom Zeppo Boyle, Formerly of Memphis, TN now Bend, OR would like to apologize for his behavior on _______” Then it hit me, I used to joke with people about having cards similar to this made up to hand to the bartender and other innocent bystanders when we came into the bar.