November 2014

Bathroom Etiquette or Lack Thereof

They say judgment is one of the first things compromised when you start drinking, and the young man in the bathroom last night was a perfect example of just such judgment loss, either that or he was just an idiot. As I stood at the urinal last night in a crowded bathroom (keeping in mind the bathroom is about eight feet by eight feet and five people make it crowded) a young man in the stall behind me says “Hey, did anyone lose a pack of smokes?” He then picked up the cigarettes off the floor and said “It’s a pretty full pack! Does anybody want them?” Really man?

How Old Are You?

Imagine this if you will, the lights are turned up in a nearly empty bar, all the chairs are up on the tables and there are about five people sitting around finishing their drinks getting ready to leave. This is a very peaceful ending to a fairly busy night. Then, the door opens and two sweaty hefty guys walk in and the first thing that comes out of their mouths is “Wow, we made it on time!” Now, the first thought that goes through my head is “In time for what?” We are obviously closing, so what are you in time for?

Not All Who Wander Are Lost, But Their Stuff Might Be

I understand that people go out, maybe have a few too many drinks and occasionally lose something throughout the night like their phone, maybe forget their card at a bar or even maybe lose a jacket. It happens, plain and simple, but with any luck you are able to retrace your steps and eventually recover your lost item without too much effort. Last night, within thirty minutes, I had a couple that lost everything. Not just a misplaced card or phone, oh no, without even moving ten feet they lost a phone, two wallets and a jacket! At least that’s what they kept asking me if I had found.

Of Poop And Douche Bags

• Last night was a story of poop and douche bags. I don’t think I had been at work for even an hour last night when someone was nice enough to come up to me and say “Hey, the bathroom is in pretty rough shape, you should check it out.” So, like an idiot I did. Yes, the soap dispenser was in four pieces and the toilet was backed up with about a roll of toilet paper and shit. Not just in the toilet but on the toilet as well. How, may I ask, do you not know where your butthole is pointing?

Leftovers Gone Bad

Unlike the tasty and satisfying leftovers of a glorious Thanksgiving day feast with all of the turkey stew, turkey and cranberry sandwiches and pumpkin pie breakfast for days on end, Halloween leftovers compare more to the questionable gluten-free fish and kale that has sat in the fridge for a week after a weak attempt at eating healthy.


Halloween is a time for festive costumes, drinking and having fun with your friends. Now, last night had some awesome costumes, like the ten foot Jesus, and plenty of merriment. No, I was not in the least disappointed, however there were those bah-humbuggers that just should have stayed home. Take for example the no costume wearing, not hanging out with anybody guy that passed out on the bar. Really? It’s Halloween man! At least checking out the naughty nurse or the robots should have kept his attention! Well, we got him on his way without issue and all was good with the world.