April 2014

Creeping Death

“Everyone Poops” is a popular book to help potty train toddlers when it’s time to kick off the diaper and start wearing big kid underwear. I guess after last night I need to write a book called “Everyone Poops, Just Don’t Poop There Dumbass!” Yes, at first I thought it was just someone crop dusting the bar, being inconsiderate of the rest of us and farting up a storm. Then it got stronger, much stronger and the smell consumed the whole room. That’s when I knew, I had to investigate the bathroom.

Two Things That Don't Go Good Together!

Hey, you got your meth on my video poker! No! You got your video poker on my meth! What happens when you put video poker together with a shameless tweaker so high he might never come down? Over an hour of pure viewing pleasure! This guy was so worked up he couldn’t contain himself and was so animated you couldn’t help watching in amazement at his antics. Throwing his arms up in the air, rubbing his face, standing up, sitting down, almost climbing the machine and spilling the contents of his bag all over the floor were just some of his moves.

Lonely Hot Mess

It was a classic mellow night at the bar, steady but mellow. Everyone was having a good time and then, like it always does, shit hit the fan in the form of two cute girls and more drama than their friends wanted to deal with. It started when they came in and sat at a table full of guys just kicking back and enjoying themselves. That’s when I heard someone mutter “I hate stupid people!” Then I was surprised when one of the guys left the table to come and sit up at the bar.

Paranoid Much?

Some people have way too much time on their hands. For example, I noticed one of my customers staring intently at a book of matches, so out of curiosity I ask him if everything is ok. He looks at me and says “Do you think it’s a good idea to have matches with your bar’s name on them?” So, having to dig a little deeper into where he was going with this I said “Yes I do, we’ve been doing it for years, and it’s a good cheap way to get your name out there. Why? Do you think it’s a good idea?” I should have known better to end that statement with a question.

The Key To Happiness

There comes a time in everyone’s life where their resolve is tested to the core in a possible life changing moment of clarity that can re-direct their path to a higher state of being. This did not happen to me last night. Instead, I got to witness the pathetic aftermath of a grown woman in her fifties throw her keys at someone she was mad at, hitting one of my co-workers and a customer and then proceed to bawl her eyes out like a scorned thirteen year old girl.