June 2013

Day Drinkers And The Art Of Shame

Going out and having fun at the bar is what bars are there for, there is no arguing that point, however when you are the only group in the bar being loud and obnoxious while everyone else around you is trying to eat dinner and talk at seven-thirty in the evening, you might expect someone to ask politely to bring it down a notch. That’s what happened last night, but instead of calming down, what do you think happened? That’s right, they got louder and even more inappropriate. So when the server points out that “You people are acting like children” you should really get the hint.

Dancing Boobs

Its funny how some young professional ladies actually act ladylike until, that is, someone starts paying attention to them and buys them a drink. This young professional was pretty and quite proper, then the booze kicked in and she was booby posing for pictures, shirt on, but holding those bolt-on monsters up for the camera and even made them dance a little in my direction. Sorry sister, cute and snotty is not my style, first and foremost I’m married, beyond that, did I mention I’m married?

Beer Shower and Old Nipples

Have you ever had a beer shower? Yes, it sounds great, beer spraying all over your body, nice and cold, the smell, oh so awesome. That is unless you are getting your ass kicked at work, buried with thirsty customers and you just took one of your kegs out of commission for the night. Then there is the part where your clothes are soaked in sticky beer along with every piece of exposed skin and the lenses on your glasses, that is super fun.

Getting Screwed, But Not In The Fun Way

Riddle me this. If a forty-something year old woman is sitting at a bar with HUGE fake boobs, about half an inch of bright blue eye shadow all the way around her eyes, wearing clothes that might have fit her about ten years ago and making out with two twenty-something year old guys, would you assume that she may be some sort of hooker? Now, hold on, she could just be “popular” with the young guys, but when she is also getting someone else to pick up her tab? Yes, I do find that a bit questionable.

Chivalry Is Not Dead!

Chivalry is not dead, at least not for some people. Here’s the deal, drunk guy keeps bothering a cute girl that is clearly sitting with her boyfriend and engaged in conversation. After being polite and asking him to respect their space and time together, the dumbass keeps on trying to get into their conversation so the boyfriend comes over and tells the drunkard outright to please leave them alone and mind his own business. That’s when I pulled the guys drink and told him to leave and quit bothering other customers.

I Fart In Your General Direction!

When you walk into a bar and ask in a loud inappropriate voice “What’s the cheapest thing you have to drink?” all that says to a bartender is you’re cheap, annoying and you don’t tip. And guess what? He was. Not only that, but the guy was a fresh twenty-one year old trying to show a cute twenty-one year old girl how to act in a bar. Well, he fell short in a big way. He not only bought the cheapest beer we had and didn’t tip, he didn’t buy her drink, then he took it upon himself to practice his sports commentating skills while watching Sports Center.

Thanks For Pionting Out That You're an Ass

Yes, it was a slow Saturday night, but it seems like I can always find something to write about no matter what is, or is not going on. Last night a customer felt it necessary to inform me that my bar back should make eye contact with him when he asked if he was done with his drink while pulling it. I simply said I would address the issue and wished him a good night just to appease his self righteous customer service knowledge and get him on his way.

Ass Pain

My back sure did hurt last night, probably because of the huge pain in my ass First Friday was. Why don’t people get the fact that just because it is an event night, you still can’t wander around town with booze and take it into businesses? “Oh, hey, I got this free glass of swill at a local gallery so it’s no problem if I bring it into your bar instead of purchasing one from you right? That is if I’m not too drunk to serve….” Dumb asses.

Smelly Hookers!

Hookers, love them or hate them, unfortunately they have always been and will always be here to stay, that is unless one of them has an expired ID, then it’s a whole different ball game. My co-worker brought to my attention these two women that were getting a bit too friendly with some of the guys in the bar so I went over to see what was going on.

Calm, Drunk and Collected....Or At Least Trying

After last night I have to ponder, what happened that might give me something interesting to write about? Was it the ex co-worker that is still a nasty disgusting mess or could it possibly be the social experiment that I observed over a bachelor party last night that, if I were a psychologist, I could write a complete paper on human behaviors? No, I chose the drunk as hell guy that came in trying to get a drink after he had been kicked out of the bar next door for not only being drunk, but an ass to boot.