November 2012


There are several things that you can do in the bar and restaurant business to ensure that you will get more customers coming through the door. Needing desperately to go to the bathroom, ordering food and breaking a glass in the ice well are several good examples of things that will almost assuredly get people to come in and interrupt whatever it is that you are doing. I got to experience this last night, not with any of the aforementioned examples, but by one of my least favorites, that would be closing time.

Have Beer Gut, Lookin' For Beer Slut

There are several ways to tell when someone is from out of town, either you don’t recognize them from coming in on a consistent basis, they speak a foreign language or they act like the cross-eyed hillbilly sporting a beer belly that protruded about half as far out as he was tall and his buddy last night. Bud and Coors Light were the preferred thirst quenchers of these two gentlemen, not being fro

Tube Top Boob Drop

Late night fashion is nothing to take lightly when going out on the town. There should be some forethought put into an outfit that might need to perform after all good judgment and common sense has been pushed out of the brain by booze and possibly some recreational drugs. If you go into that kind of situation all willy-nilly you could possibly put yourself in an awkward position like the unfortunate young lady last night, especially if your boyfriend is an emo drama queen.

No Boom Boom In The Bar Room

Last night I got to see some of my favorite people, some that live in town and some from out of town. Thank you all so much for visiting, I hope you all had a great night. Now let’s get down to the nuts and bolts of it all shall we? I work at a bar, not a daycare. Admittedly, sometimes it feels like I have to babysit people and childlike behavior does rear its ugly head from time to time, so in some ways it is comparable to an adult daycare facility, what with the babbling, drooling, spitting up and pants peeing.

Don't Be A Turkey Asshole!

On this wonderful Thanksgiving I have many things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful family, a job that allows me to pay the bills, a comfortable place to rest my head and my health. One other thing that I have to be thankful for is learning what I don’t want to be like, especially when I get older, and as I learned last night being an asshole does not have an age limit. Now, I’m not talking about the old guy yelling at kids to stay out of his yard, I look forward to being that old curmudgeon one of these days.

Good Old Fat Sauce!

The power of suggestion is a very real thing at one-o’clock in the morning, especially when you are talking about food. I don’t know if it’s hearing about food, smelling it or actually seeing it that sets it off, but once one thing is ordered it turns into a food avalanche. My favorite last night was the chick that was acting like all that and a biscuit, when in reality she looked like she ate all of that and the biscuits, smothered in gravy.

It Puts The Lotion On It's Skin

Well, it was getting to the end of the night, no more drinks were being served and I thought we were going to have a lover’s quarrel with a Silence of the Lambs twist. We were down to four people in the bar at closing time, a young smooch couple enjoying each others company at the bar and these two guys sitting at a table who had been talking for a while.

Too Many Dudes, Dude

So, there I was, minding my own business, picking up some glasses off the bar and I notice these three guys looking around the bar. They’re in their early twenties and look like your typical small town skeevie stoner types with the wispy facial hair trying ever so hard to be a real beard, beanies and long serial killer style winter jackets, they look like they just rolled into the big city looking for a good time. I hear the one guy saying as he is looking around and pointing at people “Dude, dude, dude, she has a boyfriend, dude……” So I pipe in and say “Hey guys!

An Attempt At Poetry

For last night’s story, I have prepared a haiku. I hope you enjoy my attempt at poetry, so without further adieu, I give you “Fat Lady”
Winter brings the fat lady
Parting with money to drink and gamble
Crazy conversation makes people uncomfortable

Yeah, I'm Drunk, So What?

One of the more challenging parts of bartending is making the call when to serve or not to serve someone. There are so many factors that come into play when making that decision, like the persons size, were they sober when they came in and how many drinks have you served them since then, are they a regular that you know the signs of when they are getting to their limit? Last night, at least for two people, that was no problem at all.