February 2012

Archive: Flying Under The Radar

Out of all the great people I got to see, including close friends and my wife, I have to say there was one standout that took the cake tonight. Everything went without incident, even though it got good and busy for a while, just winding down and then, oh, what’s that? Someone is passed out in the back room? With her luggage? Damn it! I guess my dirt-bag radar kicked in a little too late! If there's one thing I can't stand (and yes, I know there's more than one thing) it's someone getting wasted somewhere else and deciding to make it my problem.

Powder Day, And I Don't Mean Snow

Bubba: Knock Knock
Me: Who’s there?
Bubba: The Interrupting Cow.
Me: The Interrupting Co……

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me....

Well what do you know, I think our door guy has a stalker. Now I say stalker because if she wasn’t so repulsive to look at, listen to and in general someone nobody wanted to deal with, he and the rest of us might have welcomed her company. She came there just to see him, sat around for about three hours and tried to monopolize his time as much as possible, and when she wasn’t bugging him she was annoying us at the bar. We cut her off, he tried to tell her he was working and to please let him do his job, but to no avail, she hung around like a bad fart in a hot room.

See You Next Tuesday!

Last night was cruising along at a nice pace when I noticed our door guy talking to a girl at the end of the bar, having what seemed to be some sort of an issue, judging by the body language. My utility guy (bar back, backup cook and backup bartender) came down and told me there was some sort of issue with the girls I.D. and I should come and clear things up. So I went over to find out what the issue was, well, she didn’t have an I.D. She said she lost it snowmobiling earlier and that’s why she didn’t have it.

What's Up Baby?

We have recently acquired “Crazy Baby Walker Bum” somehow in the last week or so. He likes to cruise around town pushing a baby walker and the first time I saw him last week I kind of got freaked out, wondering why in the fuck our door guy let someone in the bar with a baby after the time limit we have to allow minors inside the place. Well, me being about as sharp as a bowling ball when I’m busy with customers, misunderstood when I was told he was being allowed inside because it was cold out and he wanted to warm up, not knowing there was not a baby in the stroller.

Not You're Average Birthday Boy.....

“ WAHOOO! It’s my birthday! I am soooo drunk! Please don’t serve me anything man!” Has to be one of my favorite opening lines by a customer to date. This guy was obviously intoxicated and his friends were just looking at me like “Really? If he doesn’t shut up soon we are going to beat his ass!” He whooped all over the bar with vim and vigor, shaking hands and being genuinely excited about being thirty-two. The girl with him ordered a shot, for herself, apologized profusely and dragged him out of there.

Can't See The Fork For The Sandwich....

You know when a big guy comes in looking for food at around eleven o’clock at night you better come up with something good for him. So dude comes in, about six foot two, three hundred twenty pounds with a blonde perm-bob haircut and asks for a menu. He’s had a few drinks, but is nice and funny so what the hell, lets serve him up some dinner and see what happens. I finally get him to order the meatloaf melt and my cook hooks it up like a tow truck. I have to admit, I was thinking about having one after I saw this thing.

Bar Rage

When it comes to people that are an annoyance every time I have to interact with them, I hit a point where I just refuse to have them in the bar. Whether its fighting, not controlling their drunkenness, being creepy towards other customers or just being too much of an ass for me to want to deal with, I turn them away before problems can even start. Last night I did just that, this guy walks in that I have had to kick out every time he has come in, not every once in a while, but every time.

Irresistable Force Versus Immoveable Object

Yes, the age old question “What would happen if an unstoppable force collided with the unmovable object?” The classic Omnipotence Paradox, something that could never happen because if something is truly unstoppable then there cannot be something truly unmovable in existence as well, and vice versa.

Goodie Two Shoes

I love it when people are too nice. I’m not talking about the people that constantly compliment you or apologize for the smallest thing. No, I’m talking about the person that just sits there and takes it like the girl I had in last night. She was very nice, polite and cute but not dressed like a skank, which is refreshing in Bend since all the girls that THINK they are cute let their tits hang out and wear pants two sizes too small and have a muffin popping out of the top of them. This girl was just plain white toast nice.