It’s always nice when you can perform a public service and remove someone that is painstakingly annoying in one fell swoop. It is also equally satisfying when this person is a repeat offender and you cringe every time you see them walk through the door. It all started when one of my good regulars came up to me and informed me that someone was filling up the piss trough in the bathroom with puke and gave me a description of the offender. I thanked them and waited for him to come out of the bathroom, which he did shortly, looking a little worse for wear after his puke and rally session. He sat down next to a cute girl and started chatting her up, which was a pretty bold move for having fresh barf breath, and was acting like nothing happened. That’s where I come in, pull his drink, slide him some water and tell him that he’s done for the night. He looks at me all surprised like this is coming out of nowhere and says “What’s the deal man?” To which I reply “You just emptied your guts in my urinal, there’s no way I’m going to let you drink after that, in fact, it’s time for you to go!” The girl he was talking to promptly got up and left to go sit with some friends. Like any good entitled drunk oblivious idiot, the guy followed her over to her table to try to get her digits. There is definitely no shame in his lack of game. I hustled him out and that was the end of that, for now anyway. I’m pretty sure shame does not settle in on someone like that, it just gets shed like water off a duck’s back and the bad behavior just gets repeated. Maybe he’ll get it someday, doubtful, but I suppose we can hope for the best.
Having “bartender ears” can be very beneficial to a lot of us that work in the trade, you hear a lot of things like funny jokes or you may overhear the beginnings of situation that you might need to intervene in, then there are the things you can’t unhear. Sexy talk can be entertaining or gross depending on who’s saying it and what they’re saying, loud talkers oversharing family incidents or alien abductions can help you figure out where a person is coming from, and then there was the chick last night. I was minding my own business attending to my closing duties when I hear a woman say “You know, he was using heroin in my bathroom and I told him not to do that before, so I tried to stab him, not to hurt him but to make him think about not doing that.” I just kept cleaning, but in my head, I was like “What!?!That’s how you try to help someone!?! I can think of a few more positive ways to deal with this situation!” Now, don’t get me wrong, getting stabby can definitely let someone know how you feel about what they’re doing, but then I digress. The next thing she says is “Well, it doesn’t matter, he’s dead now anyway, not from me stabbing him though.” Just act like you didn’t hear anything and don’t make eye contact! The guy she was talking to didn’t seem to be fazed one bit and just kept on with the conversation like it was normal, I can’t say I would have done the same. I would have excused myself to go use the bathroom, never to be seen again. Who needs that coat anyway? Thankfully there is a couple of feet of Formica between me and stabby Joe, that is always comforting.
The one woman Party Train rolled in last night. She was out to get drunk and apparently accomplished her goal with flying colors. She started off with a cocktail and then moved on to shots, that’s when the Party Train derailed, spilling toxic ooze all over the landscape, and yes, I do mean that she puked. Thank God it was at the end of the night and we were closing up anyway, because that smell wasn’t going to be keeping anyone around. The next time the Party Train makes an unscheduled stop I think I’m going to inspect the running gear a little closer and make sure it stays on the tracks.