Douchebag Throwback

Hello there Mr. Cool! I’m sorry you stopped developing in the early ninety’s, but there have been some serious strides forward in social norms since then. If you had taken the time to notice, fashion trends have changed, hair styles are not mulletted (unless they are trying to be ironic) and common courtesy are all things that most people moved forward with. Take for example the way you interact with bartenders, if you come up to me and treat me like I’m a dumb asshole to try to impress the ladies that came in with you, you will be dealt with in an appropriate fashion. When you look like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite and say “Give me some tequila, and none of that house crap!” Then take time to look over your shoulder to see which of the girls you are with are noticing, don’t act surprised when I say “Then tell me what you want. Don’t waste my time, I’m busy.” Then when I give you the bill for you and five other people because you said you were buying the round DON’T say “Holly Shit! Really? I thought you wanted a tip!” which is just an out for something you weren’t going to give me anyway, then act surprised yet again when I say “Sorry man, that’s what it is.” I’m not going to change my price or magically ring up a different number. If you think, by acting like a douche bag, you are either impressing anyone or going to get preferential treatment, then I think you missed the douche bag part. Please go back to the nineties, or whatever crap bar lets you hang out and feel welcome. That place is not here.

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